Embracing Imperfections: A Journey in compassion and Learning

I had a lovely friend. Sorry, let me put this in the present sense. I have a lovely friend but I guess she is busy in her little world, of dreams, intuitions, love, daily challenges, creative aspirations, intellectual bliss and many things which would be surely interesting. I think of her every day, sometimes when I am seeking some words or phrases for my new poem or when I want to shout out loud about a book I am reading because she is one book lover nerd. Her favourite book is a teen classic, set in Canada but she also reads the Pulitzer or Booker long lists or any such author who looks at life’s complexities in a nuanced way.

There is surely a age difference between us. Perhaps she could have been my daughter’s age if I had married early. I do not compartmentalize her in any fixed bucket. I do not even call her a friend now (I started my piece by saying that, but well, that was to set the context of this small piece) but someone who is a significant part of my journey of life. I goofed up recently that costed me a lot. I was not there on her special date, when she got married and that broke the chain of a beautiful relationship to an extent. I am sure the chain can be resurrected soon but I like to give people space and time because this period, of being not in the communication loop makes us look at ourselves with empathy and self-compassion. I am a human and I guess I erred. Perhaps in my perception I thought that I would be able to make up for it but I didn’t get an opportunity as yet. I am sure I will get that sooner than I think.

The blog’s title has the word, “learning”. Yes, I learnt about myself through this experience. I was more relaxed about the fact that the bond was eternal v/s thinking that there was something called the “power of moments”. I was not there to gift her my presence (or to receive her gift of compassion and love) and to just give her a warm hug before she tied the knot, finally. We can do small things to make a big difference. I was too naïve then, to realize. On the other hand, I am also able to acknowledge that I was merely human and i will be more aware henceforth, when it comes to lighting up the lives of people who are close to me. The beautiful thing for me was to see her in a bridal dress over a video call and I was touched. I never felt this kind of love for anyone else in my life, till date.

My own journey in Mindfulness has conditioned me to be aware of every moment so that I can savour it. I am also able to accept my own imperfections through this awareness. When this awareness comes, all of us have the capabilities to be better as humans and this is the magic formula to create happiness in our lives. Although this story is anecdotal for me, all of us have many such stories where in hindsight we think that we made an error of judgement and then our mind justifies the same as a human error. However, its just not fine to justify in hindsight but to become aware of what in our current thoughts we could do, to undo it. Reaching out to those we love, by being compassionate towards them while practicing self-compassion can be a great starting point.

I am embracing my imperfections here and now, by being non-judgemental and hope my journey to become better and better would be consistent.